i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
