1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize