so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
