Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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