i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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