I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
