girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
