I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
