I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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