i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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