she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just googled if crying burns calories
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
