she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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