My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
