I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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