I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
