he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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