I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
