Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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