she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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