alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I deserve this hangover.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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