We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
