So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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