I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
