I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm always down for nudity.
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