I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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