She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
