the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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