yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
