my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
