just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
