Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found puke in my bra..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
