i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
