I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
