I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
