you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
