SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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