She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
