yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
