did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
