alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
