the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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