You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
