It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
