I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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