Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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