New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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