I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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