Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
