He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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