i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
