There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
