A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
jump out the window naked night went bad
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