I feel great
I just peed on a car
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
