I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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