A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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