my phone needs a breathalizer
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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