That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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