i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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