Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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