I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
