Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
