Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
